Comedy in 0.4

Now what ought I write about today? Better be something that lightens up the mood. I shall… write-up my experience in empire as an empire noob! (No, I didn’t get ganked by the Privateers.)

Some days ago, I sat twiddling my thumbs in a trendy bar in lowsec Empire with a bunch of Brutor dudes (all with sunglasses – you trying to cover a black eye or something sir?), waiting for my neural networks to get to grasp with the fact that I need to jump clone to home space asap. Been taking a hiatus from killing lately – had to ensure my wallet can keep up. I had just returned from picking up and selling some fine loot from the south, but needed another 5 hours before my brain can handle the shock of transferring my soul across the universe again. I was bored to tears sitting in empire with only my trusty crow in the docking bay, and the fact that my corp mates were coming and going back home via cynosural fields didn’t help one bit.

I hit up a friendly Atlas guy who was chilling in his command ship outside the station, who had just scared away a pirate looking for easy kills. After some admiration of his golden Amarr ship he asked if I wanted to test his tank. Men do like to flex their muscles for the ladies, don’t they? Anyway, I agreed, slid into my little Red Vixen and guided the nimble crow out of the hangar. Corpies frequently shoot each other at home anyway, when we are feeling lazy and have no enemies to train our crosshairs on. Good bonding activity, and this guy seemed like a sexy one to bond to. Not one of those shady Matari guys – he was of royal Amarr upbringing.

I steered towards the fearsome command ship. And before the gentleman can jettison a can for me to pick up (so I may flag myself to him), I fired my little ‘Arbalest’ missiles at him.

About half a volley later, I was floating around sadly in my little pod, trying to cover up my parts. Did I mention how distracting it is to be forcibly ejected out of a burning ship into space while being minimally clothed? Apparently, having lived out in 0.0 for the better part of half a year, and renounced my ways of the ebil piratess, I had completely forgotten that sentry gunners do not like to see any pew pew near their stations. Especially those freaky Matari gunners. Or maybe they just liked to have me in a pod, seeing that I turned down their advances in the bar earlier.

I didn’t want anyone looting my crow, so I promptly hopped into the tiny Ibis with a single chunk of tritanium in it, and undocked – hoping to pick up the remains of my pricey ship.

The result is an even sadder Ibis wreck floating along with my Crow wreck, both bearing the mark of EMD. And I had to try to cover up my bits again. I should consider bringing a towel next time.

Back in the station, the friendly command ship pilot gallantly picked up my wreck for me. Thankfully, the only modules that got blown up in my brave excursion were my two ‘Arbalest’ launchers, an overdrive unit, and a named webifier. One of my entrepreneurial corpmates told me to guilt trip the dude into paying for half the ship, which I did with my female charms. The fellow laughed and gave me 10 million isk. Not bad. And then it got late and we decided to bid each other adieu.

Luckily I didn’t have “FC” in my title. What would Atlas think of us…

xxx

Special acknowledgement to Sir CollTerminator of Atlas, for his charming company and the giggles!

Lowsec Pirating vs 0.0 Fleet Battles

Lately there has been an uproar in our alliance about whether our pvpers should be allowed to live in lowsec and pirate all they want. There have been certain individuals who live down in Amarr space in a dead-end 0.4 system, and killing everyone who enters that system almost every moment of the day. I have spent time myself in that system learning how to pvp as a newbie, but I never lived there for long as it bored me. It is an excellent place to get new pvpers’ feet wet, and unlike highly pirated systems near Jita, one won’t be so easily wiped out by say, a Triumvirate gang with capital support.

Here comes the drama: A certain pirate considers himself elite as he tops the kills and scores on the killboard from his endeavours in this very system he claims as his ancestral grounds. He would rarely ever show up for 0.0 defense or offense ops, claiming that there are few that he would fly with, and indignantly flaming anyone who questions his continual efforts in lowsec. When asked about his loyalties, he claimed that as he is not taking anything from the corp, he should not be expected to contribute.

(I am somewhat embarrassed to say that I used to like this guy IRL. He was the very same person who asked me what I was doing mission-grinding in empire when I’m in a 0.0 corp.)

Understandly, the majority of the alliance is highly annoyed with this behavior and against it, because it takes away talented pvpers from our 0.0 fighting force. It also makes our killboard look bad – imagine how easy it is to take space from a 0.0 alliance that had most of their kills in low security space! Of course the pirates themselves are against it, because lowsec ganking is easy and frequent. Who wants to work for targets when they come to you en masse? 0.0 fights are difficult to find and risky – a roaming gang could hunt for hours and die in 5 minutes.
For me, that only gives me an immense sense of achievement when we come out tops in a 0.0 fleet engagement. If we capsize, then it was a good learning experience for us. We are a null-sec alliance. Lowsec is a good ‘happy pill’ spot, but what’s the point of joining a 0.0 alliance when all you do is stay in 0.4?

Perhaps this is a direct reflection of my personality, but my current goal in Eve is to lock as many red icons on my overview as possible, hit F1-F8, in 0.0 space. Bonus if I get to call primaries in a 20v20 fleet battle. It’s highly addictive, and much healthier than resorting to those little red pills, or killing an unwary noob exploring low security space in his first shiny cruiser.

Yeah, I know what the dear reader must be thinking. I'm a little fiery. I think the men like it. ;) Oh did I mention that among the few female players in Eve, many of them are highly accomplished killers? Talk about hot chicks with guns...